At the core of every marriage is a relationship! Webster's defines relationship as: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship. This definition sums up the key to great relationships and at the same time describes the potential tension that can arise in these same relationships. It is all a matter of implementation.

In Genesis 2:18 in the Bible, God says, "It's not good for man to be alone. I'll make him a helper, a companion." God's design has always been for the connection between a husband and wife to be the most enduring and enriching of any of our human relationships here on earth. Man and woman have been designed to be a perfect fit for each other physically, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Perfect fit doesn't mean that we're clones of each other, but like a puzzle piece, we're unique in design and substance, and the perfect fit is one that's designed by God himself.

Every marriage starts out as a connection. We meet someone we're attracted to with similar interests, goals and values. We fall in love with them and eventually make a committment to spend the rest of our lives exploring how our lives fit together.

As this relationship grows and blossoms, each partner is faced with new opportunities to embrace or reject new-found information about their future spouse. When we make a decision motivated by love to accept and embrace new information as part of the whole package, it provides us with new points of connection, provides us with a new dynamic of love for each other, and makes our relationship stronger. On the other hand, when we reject and react negatively to new information from or about our mate, it may cause rifts and weaken our relationships. These value decisions occur at every stage and season of marriage, and confront us constantly with decisions to put ourselves aside and embrace our spouse as God has created them.

This embracing and accepting can sometimes present us with challenges. Every married couple enters into marriage with differing relationship combinations. Some individuals are Extroverts, others are Introverts. Everyone is a combination of the temperament types of Choleric, Sanguine, Phlegmatic or Melancholy. These are the factors that make us unique. Mix two unique people in a relationship and you have the recipe for a marriage.

Our relationship patterns stem from the relationships that we've observed and are in close proximity to. The relationships of our parents and friends, either good or bad, have a great deal of influence on how we treat our spouse. When we're faced with relational conflicts, our natural responses are those that we've caught rather than learned. Ephesians 5:2 says, "Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ." Christ is the ultimate example of love. Our task is to learn this love and apply it daily to our marriage. Lasting marriages are built upon new learning and loving. Because every marriage is unique, the majority of guidance isn't picked up in a book or on a DVD, but is learned behavior as we grow together into the couple that God has designed us to be. And as we learn to live, love and interact with each other, our married life can literally become a marriage made in Heaven.

Cal Swenson, Pastor
New Life Church - Springfield, MO
www.new-lifechurch.org